Moving Beyond Perfection

Just Some Thoughts

Posted in Uncategorized by Kathy on July 11, 2009

I sometimes ask myself, if I could do it all over again, would I say yes? The short answer is yes, because what I went through my first year of college was so painful. It took 6 months to destroy my mind & body, but what felt like ten years to become happy, healthy, and myself again.

On the other hand, my experiences have also led me to view the world differently. I am so grateful for little things now – to be able to laugh because I really want to, and not because I’m pretending to, to be able to have fun without worrying about getting to bed on time or if other people are watching what I eat, to wear heels without feeling like I might fall over, to be able to simply do my homework without thinking about my weight or food, and to feel strong and healthy.
What I loved most about my friend’s story that I posted below was her last sentence:

I gladly take back my voice and give up sculpted legs if only to sing again.

When you lose your self-esteem, you also lose everything you love to do. I hardly practiced piano freshman year because I simply had no mental energy left for it. I could barely handle school and simply living- there was no room for things I loved. But when you begin to lose everything you love, you also gain perspective.

How stupid is it to give up everything you enjoy just to be thin? And ironically, for me, when I achieved that thiness, I also looked my worst because I had so little energy to try. I wore sweats and loose shirts to class everyday because I simply stopped caring. I stopped wearing makeup because it took too much time and effort. I stopped curling my hair, and stopped trying to look cute. I completely lost the girly and fun side to me. And when I think back on it, it is almost just funny to think that the reason I first wanted to lose weight was to impress boys! What boys? I was hardly attracted to boys when I was my thinnest. I couldn’t care less about them, and they probably couldn’t have cared less about me since I was a mess. I was thin, but I was no longer smiling or flirtatious. When I came to this realization, I also realized thatI would gladly take back my [everything] and give up sculpted legs if only to [enjoy life] again.”

The grass is always greener on the other side. The next time you find yourself completely jealous of someone, think about what you have, and appreciate it. You have no idea what is underneath the surface of others. Rather than thinking about what you don’t have, simply enjoy and love everything that you do.


One Response

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  1. JENNIFER said, on July 12, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    You would rather move to Charleston than stay in NYC??? (as posted in Carrots N Cake’s blog) Weird.

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